Relinquishing my kingdom
Mark Pavilons

We middle class citizens often feel helpless and powerless.

In many ways we are. We're merely puppets - players on some huge stage that's been set out for us. I often wonder if we tiny humans are playing out some massive drama for someone else's entertainment.

Even though we're at the mercy of economic forces and the social structure we've created, we do wield a great deal of power. As parents, we have the capability of influencing the next generation. We can, and often do, change the future.

I realize that's just an added burden to parents' already heavy shoulders, but as they say, them's the breaks. It's not easy being responsible parents, role models, mentors, teachers, friends, guardians and financial advisers for our young charges. Heck, some days it's not even easy matching shirts and pants.

Each generation of parents does influence their offspring, and the ripple effect is felt throughout our social fabric. Sure, we can't alter the trends in fashion or music, but we sure can affect our children's exposure and participation.

I'm finding that my role as father is constantly evolving. No, it's not as easy as it looks and I'm no expert. Aside from being chauffeur, protector, provider and figure of limited authority, I'm often running into tiny brick walls, put up by my tiny creations.

It's always fascinating, as a parent, when our kids go from dependent toddlers to asserting themselves as real people with ideas and attitudes. But once this transition begins, there's no stopping it. It's at this point that many parents come to a fork in the road along this incredibly challenging journey.

We teach our young to be assertive; just; honest and compassionate. We teach them values, ethics and morals and try to give them a good head start in life. We stress upon them the importance of education and taking school work seriously.

And then it happens, almost overnight. They turn around, look at you, and realize you're not god-like at all, but a mere mortal who's trying to do his best, but sometimes lacks the tools to pull it off. And the bubble bursts. I loved being king of the castle (okay more like the jester) and the beloved ruler. It really sucks when the serfs turn on you!

We think we have ultimate control over our minions, but in reality they're people, not robots. They have the unusual ability to alter their own programming. They have minds of their own. They observe, learn, draw conclusions and pass judgments.

Why do we expect anything else? We know that when it comes time to "set them free" we want them to exude these very qualities. We want them to leave their own personal mark on the world. We really don't want carbon copies of ourselves (well, I really wanted a minime, but I'm pretty happy with my only male child as he is).

My eldest girl does have an attitude. Do I nip it in the bud and demand that she succumb to the rules of my kingdom, or do I allow her some space to evolve and make her own decisions?

I want her to respect her elders, even though I fully understand respect, like many other things, has to be earned.

Our kids are not our equals, yet they often have the upper hand. They learn how to "play" us long before we realize it.

I believe that before we come down on our kids like a bag of hammers, we need to take stock. We're in charge of creating a family and by extension, a society and community. How many of us sit down to dinner as a family several times a week? Do we eat out, more than we cook together? Do we fill our shopping carts with whatever their hearts desire, on every jaunt outside the home? Are we crabby because we work long hours to acquire more things? Do we know how to say "no" to our kids?

I am guilty of it. My son is the quintessential boy who loves his toys. With each new movie or trend, the shelves at the local box store fill up with toys, costumes and gadgets that he simply must have. I try to curb the galloping gimmies but often I succumb, relinquishing my crown for a moment. When I return home, my queen's eyes move quickly over me, admonishing me for my lack of fortitude. And then she produces a bag of t-shirts, pants and shoes that were "on sale."

While we are in charge of our micro-worlds, we must impact our surroundings. If we want to curb bad habits, risque trends and the proliferation of junk TV, we should get off our thrones and sound the trumpets. If we want to change inappropriate behaviour in our young, we must send out the royal horsemen to lay down the law. If we want peace and tranquility we must create a conducive atmosphere within the castle walls.

I feel my jousting skills will be honed over the coming years as my children near the teen years.

But, like everything in this wonderful world of ours, nothing happens without our consent. If we want to let the future unfold without comment or action, we must put up with the results.

Our reigns will be over soon enough.