Extending some tenderness
Mark Pavilons

"Seems like without tenderness there's something missing ..."

General Public

It's easy to fall victim to societal angst and jump on the bandwagon of despair. Given humankind's track record of inhumanity, some of us prefer not to be associated with this aggressive species.

But we're not innately evil or uncaring. Quite the contrary. We all need to receive and show a little tenderness.

Let's face it. We humans are social animals and thrive on social interaction and the vibes of others. Even before we're born, babies respond to warmth and affection; positive happy sounds while still in the comfort of the protective womb.

When children are born, love and affection are their primary life-giving substances. And, these very natural, human qualities are vital to a child's early development. This relationship based on spontaneous mutual tenderness, is one of the magical mysteries of all that is human. It's quite amazing, and humbling. It's also quite splendid from a father's perspective.

So, even the most evil among us were raised by warm and loving hands.

Our young are the best examples of our species, before they become jaded and overrun by ideas, stereotypes and misconceptions. So, turn to our youngsters and you'll find answers to many of life's riddles.

Little ones, while they can be quite demanding, need only a few things to survive - namely love and attention. Young ones beg to be heard and understood. They want attention and become quite upset when they are ignored. What does this tell us? Well, they crave pure, fundamental emotional injections of love, kindness, warmth and praise - all that is good about our species.

They don't care about world issues, the economy, price of gasoline, where our food comes from or when the oceans will run out of fish. Their needs are immediate, and very close to home. They care about being taken care of; feeling safe; knowing their parents will always love them.

They get tongue-tied because they often can't get the ideas out fast enough. Even their childish ramblings are touching and more comforting than reading the ingredients in your deli meat.

So then, why does this change when we grow up and become adults? Just when the proverbial switch go on, telling us to shirk our emotional attachment and recoil into quiet, reserved, independent people? Just when do we abandon our need for tenderness?

It's easy for us to rationalize that we need to act differently in order to succeed in the world and make a living. And smiling and being compassionate somehow stands in the way of our plans?

Just as an infant responds to smiles, laughs and giggles, we adults have the same basic needs. Dig deep and you'll find them.

Don't you find that when you see someone in line at the coffee shop, or walking down the street, with a big smile on their face, it makes you smile as well? Don't you return the favor, and doesn't it put an extra spring in your step?

While I'm often wandering around with my head down, mumbling to myself, you can find me smiling, smirking and laughing out loud as I run errands, do banking or fetch the mail. Part of that has to do with my enjoyment of humor and laughter. Not keeping it to myself has something to do with my extroverted personality. In the course of a day, I find dozens of things that make me shake my head and frown. But, instead, I prefer to laugh.

Laughter is one of the essential ingredients to happiness and health. It's been proven that laughing even 15 minutes a day can greatly increase your health and well being. While it's hard some days to let loose with a belly laugh, there are other times when my sides hurt at the end of a day. That pain is much more preferable than the pain of emptiness and despair.

It takes more muscles to frown than laugh. It's easy to be negative about many things in life. To improve one's attitude you have to work at it and make it part of your daily routine.

I think our routines also need an injection of tenderness. We like getting it, so why not share it with others? Giving it also makes you feel young again.

We were put here to care about others, and not just ourselves.

Let's get started.