Refining the art of sarcasm

Mark Pavilons

Sarcasm is a refined art.

People like to be sarcastic, when it suits them. But it fails miserably when not delivered properly it requires precise, punchlinelike speed and accuracy. If you're good at it, keep refining it. It you want to learn how, watch the pros.

Sarcasm has long been a friend of mine, a not-sosilent companion. It's almost like an evil twin, a voice in my head that screams to be acknowledged.

It's also a heck of a lot of fun at parties, family gatherings, office discussions, board meetings and during the holidays.

This bountiful planet contains a cornucopia of wondrous things. We humans are solely responsible for things like sarcasm. It's as human as we are. Despite the odds of other humanoid life forms somewhere in the universe, I doubt whether they have a similar sense of sarcasm. If they're scanning this article, bring it on!

But again, it's an art, like joke-telling, baking, acrobatics or yodeling. And, like many things related to our species, is very much misunderstood.

There are no classes or instructional DVDs to learn how to be sarcastic. Sure, there are countless "teachers" to learn from our fellow human creatures. But in order to emulate the best, you have to watch and listen.

I often believe most people have it in them. When I watch political speeches on the news, or some really good luncheon speakers, I can often detect a hint of sarcasm. It's often disguised as wit or humour, but it can be as sharp as imported cheese.

Since willing adult audiences are few and far between, I've been honing my skills on the only captive listeners I know my kids!

Kim is accustomed to my diatribes and outbursts and she has learned very well how to take her husband, largely by eyebrow raising and simply ignoring me. What can I say, I can be a bit much sometimes. But I make up for it with my charm, commitment and dedication to household chores.

Kim will confirm that I'm constantly muttering this or that, while watching TV, listening to the radio, or pretty much talking about anything and anyone. She will tell you my outbursts are the result of pent-up jealously or envy. Perhaps. But hey, it's my own personal standup routine in my head, so I can act however I wish.

But don't mistake sarcasm for judgment. I have never judged anyone the only power allowed to judge is the Creator Himself.

I've been able to get away with boundless scorn for a few years now, but the younglings are getting oh so wise.

Lexie, the intelligent first-born who takes after dear old dad, sees through my veil of insincerity. She mocks me right back and has been spotted rolling her eyes from time to time at the dinner table the best venue for a live performance since we don't have a proper stage at home.

I do it, more often than not, to see if anyone's paying attention and really listening. There is a method to my madness. A few well delivered barbs here and there do make for a lively discussion. Okay, it can really upset the natural order of things, but then Kim can hone her gettingthings in-order-after-Markhas mucked-them-up skills. You could say, I'm partially responsible for Kim being so well armed in the duel of wits.

Let's face it, most people dig humor. If you're not good looking or rich, there's always taunting acrimony. We tend to compensate for our shortcomings.

Hey, if you've got it, flaunt it, I always say.

Part of my flair for the sarcastic arts is the subject matter people. Humans provide so much fodder for criticism and humour, you don't have to look very far to find a catalyst for your funny bone. Maybe it's a bit of stress-reliever. It's said that we North Americans are at the peak of our stressful nature. The society we created is, in many ways, killing us subtly.

All the more reason to bark at the tube, flail your hands in the air and laugh maniacally at yourself in the garage or while driving. Speaking of the latter, have you ever seen someone laughing to themselves while alone in their car? It's a bit odd, but makes you laugh, too.

Whatever works to relieve the pressure!

I think I'm teaching my kids some valuable skills. By deciphering the nuances of my verbal barbs, they're becoming keen students of the English language. Either that, or they're learning to come to grips with the fact their dad is just weird.

Kids today. Long live sarcasm!